
LJ Idol Topic 4 - "I Think I Thought You Were Someone Else" (Mistaken Identity)I am not the person you think I am. I had no idea who she was until only moments ago. This was going to be my "bye week" for Idol, but in a flash I had something for this week.
When most of you first met me, I was this grassroots hippy girl with sunshine on her shoulder. My "off the grid" life was paraded around for each of you to see. I was a writer, a healer, a witch. My art was shown around the land and I landed writing contracts. Weekends were full of parties, events and gatherings. My tarot readings were sought by the biggest names around.
I had no idea who I was.
But see...Iapos;d set the mold already...people began to believe that I was the person that wrote in this LJ. When I would meet people in real life, some of them would be shocked at my reality. I was not the droid they were looking for.
Iapos;d put myself into a box that had no trap door. More than before, I
had to be the woman in my LJ. Now, mind you, at the time I was a hippy girl who made art, grew organics and drank beer around bonfires at midnight.
I had no idea how to be happy.
Life became like a trap. If Iapos;d shop at Wal*Mart, one group of people would chastise me, while others would praise me. How could a hippy girl shop at Wal*Mart (we were losing our farm). Didnapos;t I know that kids in China supply Wal*Mart (we were given gift cards and had nothing to eat...it was our only hope). Still...I carried on the facade of living the green life. Wow doggies, we are having fun now.
I almost lost my husband and twins. All my friends were turning their backs on me. My comments box was empty. Life was turning downward.
I made myself be something I wasnapos;t.
As in all good stories, there was a serious event that made me take a serious look at my life. It didnapos;t work. Still no clue. I was more lost than ever. This brought me to the apos;net - all hours of the day - to find some higher meaning in the wires and hubs around the world.
My identity, sadly, was now who I was online. Conversations would start off with, "Oh, well, I read online..." The Mister almost threw away the computer. The girls (and the Wee Boy) were angry with me. My body hurt, and my eyes were sore.
When I finally broke free...no one really knew. It has been a long hard road to unattach myself from the internet and the image I created there. More than a thought form, I. It seemed like a real-life science fiction novel.
As I look back, I realize it was all just a case of mistaken identity. What I learned from this is that we are all beautiful people...no matter what we write in our journals, or what we say to others, we are all just trying to find the way home. We have set up a nice place to park our identity...even if it is online. For most of us, we can finally spread our wings without fear or rejection. Being online is heaven, and it waits for our return when we get up to pee.
But Iapos;m here to tell you...look at your identity. Is it really who you think it is.
----Iapos;m not any closer to knowing who I am, but Iapos;m very happy with my journey. My skin is thicker, my back is stronger and my heart is bigger. I can be me online and off, without feeling the need to hide. No one mistakes my identity now. Sure it means being real 100 of the time, but for me there is no other option.
This makes me very thankful for mistaken identities.
=)
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