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WOW was I gone last night. Stacey and Greg fed me 2 powerful drinks, given that Iapos;m not eating I had NO issue with being drunk after one. I remember drunk dialing Deana, sheapos;s in New York, at 3:30am her time. OOPS.

I was going to show Stacey my medical expense card, itapos;s some tax deferred thing, and then I saw my picture of Ahnna in her softball uniform, and I LOST IT. I lost all emotional control at that point and hit my rock bottom.

I think I know why Jen says she feels different. Iapos;m sure a combination of factors, exist. We tlaked about things a bit last night. Death, death again, cheating, but thereapos;s something else, prior to that. I think that Iapos;ve been a depression for a year now.

Iapos;ve had a slow spiral down, from leaving Lamont feeling like a failure, to all but leaving CAP after the Fossett mission, not caring to push to renew my EMT in time, losing interest in work, not trying as hard to be a good man to Jen, even after moving in with her, taking more things out on her which in a sense was pushing her away (apparently it was mutual), not caring about my work like I used to... According to the person I spoke with itapos;s all sounding like a depression. The funny thing is that with what I did a week and a half ago, waking Jen up at 3am to tell her Iapos;m commited to improving myself, to become a better person, I already turnned the corner back to the up-side. None of the past week has changed that commitment. Iapos;m done being a miserable aging fool.

CONFESSION TIME

Iapos;m a romantic fool and Iapos;m in love with Jennifer Daly and see her daughter Ahnna as my own.
I have "silly" dreams of being called Dad instead of Mikeeeee.
Iapos;ll let Jen do anything she wants with me in bed, she only has to ask.
Iapos;m a SAR professional volunteer with 70 missions under my belt, proudly serving the Air Force through the Civil Air Patrol, 23rd Squadron, Novato, CA. And I love it.
Iapos;m a web geek that loves to sell wine and enjoys a majority of the wine culture.
I love killing things on video games.
Halo kicks ass.
I love music and can feel it running throughout me when I listen to it and Iapos;m in the right headspace.
I really want to go buy a bass today.
I really wanted to go to Ren Faire, but I was too chicken shit to say so, so afraid other people that ARENapos;T important would laugh at me... But I really did want to join in and let go and if weapos;re still together next year, Iapos;ll be honored to be your escort, mapos;lady.
Iapos;m a recovering procrastinator.
I miss my family in San Diego, and the time away from them but Iapos;d never take it back because of the people that are my family and extended family by choice.
Iapos;ve put off seeing my Dad because Iapos;m still hurt that heapos;s not completely sorry for leaving us to persue his dreams, and Iapos;m not sure if Iapos;m justified.
Iapos;ll be a pilot someday when I can afford it.
Did I mention I love Jen and Ahnna? Oh, good, just making sure. Afterall, theyapos;re my first and last thoughts at the start and end of the day, so itapos;s fitting theyapos;re here.
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